and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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