The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
