I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
