Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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