You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
