Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
