My pussy is not your playground.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
