i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
