it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
