and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
