I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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