check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just invented taco cereal.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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