A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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