Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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