so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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