Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
