i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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