Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
