i permit you to call me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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