Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
