Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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