Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
