if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Holy sore nipples Batman
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
