I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize