Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
