Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
