Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
