Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
