Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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