she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
