Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
