i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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