Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
