I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
