I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
