that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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