Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
