I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
