I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
