oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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