You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
