My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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