there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
