To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
