I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
