the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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