We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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