WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
