is your mom at the bar?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
