He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
