it's too hot outside to masturbate.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
