OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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