I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
