why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
