I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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