I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
