My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
