When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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